Shave Slowly - Limited TV Series - Episode #07

 


          INT. AMY'S HOME - MORNING


          After a difficult night trying to sleep, Amy did not want to

          get up. She SNUGGLES with her dog, then, SHOWERS before

          getting dressed.


                              NARRATOR

                    I did not want to get up, but my

                    precious toy schnauzer had other

                    ideas though rolling around on the

                    bed and trying to snuggle with me.

                    Her psychic sixth sense working

                    overtime, turning into my sadness

                    she knew something was wrong. Not

                    one to give up easily, I did end up

                    petting her and that helped me come

                    back to life. In the shower I was

                    shrouded by the steamy serene

                    water, finding solace, lingering

                    long in those lost moments of

                    blissful tranquility. Sitting on

                    the bed in my birthday suit I

                    overheard my man speaking with his

                    son's BABYMOMMA, by his tone

                    realizing she was once again

                    picking a fight with him.


                              AMY

                    She doesn't have a man in her life,

                    so...guess who she calls--YOU!


                              NARRATOR

                    I wasn't about to let this continue

                    so I changed his phone mail message

                    to my voice and adding a touch of

                    anger and a tone that said...STOP

                    CALLING! I make it a point to be

                    good to my guy and this bitch is

                    not going to continue to make his

                    life miserable.


          Amy gets off the bed, stark NAKED, MARCHES into the living

          room, puts out her hand, and didn't have to say a word as

          her man hands her the phone. Summoning up her best BOOMING

          angry voice.


                              AMY

                    Really...are you really trying to

                    pick a fight today...today...TODAY

                    of all days!?


                              BABY MOMMA

                    No...no...not at all...


                              AMY

                    You are...you're always upsetting

                    my husband for no good reason, but

                    NOT TODAY...IT'S NOT HAPPENING

                    TODAY!!!


                              NARRATOR

                    How could she...I was

                    furious...this had been building

                    and I'd had enough. She knew I'd

                    been to a funeral. I needed

                    desperately to get past everything

                    that had happened and this bitch is

                    going to fuck it all...well...FUCK

                    HER!


          Amy hangs up the PHONE and begins to RAMPAGE around the

          house until finally turning off her man's phone.


                              NARRATOR

                    After hanging up the phone with her

                    I lose it and begin rampaging

                    around the house, screaming and

                    yelling, just purging every vexing

                    toxic feeling that was trapped

                    inside of me. Then, I took the step

                    to turn off my man's phone.


                              AMY'S FATHER

                    You know she's going to call back.


                              AMY

                    That pussy bitch hung up on

                    me...she doesn't even know how mean

                    I can be...she DOES NOT KNOW! This

                    bullshit of hers is going to stop.

                    She has to learn how good she has

                    it, to have a babydaddy who picks

                    his son up every weekend, does

                    things with him, and is a real

                    father to him during the week and

                    even helps him with his homework,

                    teaches him right from wrong and

                    I'm a damn good mother figure to

                    that boy, I love him and this bitch

                    has to make things difficult for

                    us? So, no, no more, she can kiss

                    my left fucking nut and I've got a

                    pair and she doesn't, obviously, if

                    she's going to fucking hang up on

                    me. Well, he was right, she did

                    call back and left a message that

                    was more of a threat than an

                    apology.


          She does call right back and Amy's picks up.


                              BABY MOMMA

                    All I was trying to do was to get

                    him to spend more time with his

                    son...anytime he wants out I'll

                    assume full custody.


                              NARRATOR

                    That bitch just won't quit, as if

                    it could ever be good for her son

                    not to see his father. She is some

                    piece of work. She gets pregnant

                    and decides to have the baby even

                    though she knows the child will be

                    severely handicapped. My man is

                    there for her and the child, but oh

                    no that's not good enough for her.

                    Well, bitch, you signed up for

                    this. Don't be expecting anybody

                    else to deal with your mess. So,

                    when the smoke cleared we headed

                    for one of our favorite restaurants

                    when a surprising subject came up.


          INT. RESTAURANT


          Amy and her man are settling into a good MEAL but with so

          many issues on their minds, a surprising subject comes up.

          Amy requests a bubbly WAITRESS she knew would cheer her up.


                              AMY

                    You know, this just might be the

                    right time to get out of Dodge and

                    start a new life in another STATE.


                              NARRATOR

                    This wasn't about avoiding our many

                    responsibilities, we knew we'd

                    still visit his children, take them

                    for the summer, get them cell

                    phones, that sort of thing, but

                    deal with them on our terms. Yes, I

                    was making bank at the club, but I

                    knew my capacity to carry on there

                    was not going to last--that I'd

                    have to find another way to pay our

                    many and now mounting bills.


                              AMY

                    I hope you feel the same way, but

                    our happiness is more important

                    than any other consideration.


                              NARRATOR

                    We were so fortunate to be happy

                    with each other, to have found real

                    love, to be best friends and soul

                    mates. We weren't going to let

                    anything or anyone fuck that up.

                    Dinner over, heading home, we

                    pulled into our alley and with a

                    foot of new snow my man used the

                    Silverado to mush it down some, but

                    during the process he accidentally

                    backed into a neighbor's garage

                    door. His house was up for sale so

                    he wasn't around much anymore, a

                    crotchety old cuss into everybody's

                    business. He's an annoying son of a

                    bitch and admittedly I've been rude

                    to hima few times, but I've also

                    been nice. We'd knocked the garage

                    door off its hinges. Not knowing if

                    he was home, we just went inside.

                    Soon we heard a bang bang bang on

                    the back door.


                              NEIGHBOR

                    What the hell...couldn't you have

                    been more careful!


                              AMY'S MAN

                    I am so so sorry...it's bee a

                    difficult week, we were just at the

                    funeral of a dear friend and we're

                    both still upset. The truck slipped

                    in the snow but of course we'll

                    make it right so get someone out

                    here to see how much it will cost

                    to fix and we'll pay for it.


                              NARRATOR

                    ...now...isn't that the way it

                    works in normal society with

                    neighbors, you know them, you trust

                    them...NOT THIS BITCH-ASS

                    MOTHER-FUCKER. He decides to call

                    the cops and file a property damage

                    report. The officer arrives and

                    leans on the doorbell. Now, I don't

                    know if you've picked up on this,

                    but every now and then, and only

                    for medical purposes...yeah right,

                    I'll smoke a leafy substance that's

                    not exactly legal in this backwater

                    State of Wisconsin. To handle all

                    the stress, I'd been smoking all

                    week and the house smelled of you

                    know what. So, I'm frantically

                    spraying Fabreze while my man is

                    out back speaking with the officer,

                    trying to be calm and hoping

                    against hope that he doesn't detect

                    the telltale odors. My man is now

                    shaking while talking to the cop,

                    partly from the cold but mostly

                    from the dread of what might come

                    down if he gets wind of what's been

                    going on in hour home. Nervous as

                    shit, I was shaking as well--a cop

                    at our door--that's all we fucking

                    need. Incident over, the cop left,

                    no harm no foul, my man comes in

                    and now he is pissed, banging on

                    the counters, furious, he punches

                    out the recliner all but breaking

                    it.


                              AMY'S MAN

                    You know...that old heartless

                    motherfucker is going to die stone

                    cold alone so I guess that's

                    revenge enough, but you know...who

                    needs this...yes, let's get the

                    fuck out of here!


                              NARRATOR

                    Not at all sure the incident was

                    over, I was standing at the window

                    watching everything that was going

                    down, I was still scared shitless.

                    This was Super Bowl Sunday, a

                    national holiday and cultural

                    institution, it's supposed to be a

                    happy holiday and yes the Green Bay

                    Packers were not only playing but

                    winning! Our fucking neighbor

                    fucked it all up...I will never

                    forgive him...never...never...the

                    difficult week finally over, it was

                    time to get back to work and make

                    some...MONEY HONEY!!


          INT. AMY'S HOME


          Amy is sitting at the kitchen table texting LunchGuy.


                              NARRATOR

                    I knew I had to get back to work,

                    or more to the point get back to

                    earning coin, but to bring in some

                    cash without dealing with all the

                    club drama would help me get my

                    work week off to a good start.

                    LunchGuy offered to meet. Now, that

                    wasn't surprising, but in the kind

                    of twist of fate the new place he

                    wanted to take me was just down the

                    street from the bar we went to

                    after the wake. That was weird and

                    freaked me out a little.


          INT. RESTAURANT WITH LUNCHGUY - AFTERNOON


          Amy walks into the restaurant with LUNCHGUY on her arm, they

          sit down, are handed menus, and talk. Her waiter turned out

          to be a friend. They both recognized each other so Amy took

          him aside.


                              AMY

                    Well, Hi...it's so great to see

                    you. You know me, you know what I

                    do for a living, I'm with a club

                    customer so please don't say

                    anything to anyone about seeing me

                    her...okay?


                              NARRATOR

                    The guy I knew happened to be our

                    waiter. At the end of our meal he

                    wrote down his number and gave it

                    to me. LunchGuy must have though

                    I'd been flirting with him, but no,

                    that was not the case.


                              LUNCHGUY

                    Yeah...he's cute!


                              AMY

                    It's not like that, honey, not like

                    that at all.


          INT. DISTILLERY - AFTERNOON


          Amy and LunchGuy enter a DISTILLERY and settle into sampling

          some Absinthe.


                              NARRATOR

                    A lovely day, he took me to a vodka

                    distillery where we sipped some

                    Absinthe, a potent herbal

                    psychedelic liquor. You drizzle ice

                    water over a burning sugar cube

                    pirched over the glass. He also

                    bought me a few bottles of Pumpkin

                    Whiskey. Now, this is a man I can

                    trust. We've gotten drunk before

                    without him stepping over the line.

                    We may not be having sex, but we do

                    share our most intimate and vexing

                    personal problems. Sitting in the

                    cafe he just let me get everything

                    out while listening

                    sympathetically--my destitute

                    parents, the wake, the funeral, and

                    the emotional aftermath of such a

                    terrible loss. On this particular

                    day his attentive ear and many

                    heartfelt hugs were even more

                    appreciated than usual, not to

                    mention his usual thoughtful card

                    stuffed with hundreds. Twice my

                    age, he makes me feel safe,

                    supported, and cared for. Along

                    with my man he helps me believe I

                    can overcome any obstacle to any

                    path forward I may set for myself.

                    My time with LunchGuy over, it was

                    back to work at the club.


          INT. AMY'S CLUB - DAY SHIFT


          Amy is sitting at her SPOT at the club bar, getting her day

          organized through texting her regulars. FuzzyWuzzy comes in

          and they go right back to VIP. Next, BlondBusinessMan comes

          in, they talk, then, go to VIP.


                              NARRATOR

                    Got a call from FuzyWuzzy, he was

                    coming to the club and I'm sure

                    wanted to secure his place in line

                    should that be necessary. He got to

                    the club early and wanted to go

                    right back to VIP.


                              FUZZYWUZZY

                    I'm so glad you were here...I just

                    found out that I'm being tested for

                    cancer.


                              NARRATOR

                    He proceeded to share many of the

                    details of his diagnosis and

                    prognosis with me. Not sure how to

                    help him feel better about what he

                    was going through, I simply shared

                    some of what I'd been through.


                              AMY

                    I can only imagine how you're

                    feeling...I've also been through a

                    rough week. My best friend died

                    recently and I as went to her

                    funeral last week. What can I

                    say...these lives we lead, there's

                    no guarantee about how long it will

                    last so it becomes about cherishing

                    each day we're given.


                              FUZZYWUZZY

                    ...well...I can't argue with that.


                              AMY

                    Shit happens...sometimes life

                    sucks.


                              NARRATOR

                    Hopefully those sentiments will

                    help him cope with his hard times.

                    He left, and coming back from a

                    random dance I spotted my dirty

                    talker, BlondBusinessMan. We sit

                    and share shards of what we've bth

                    been going through. Then, out of

                    the blue he has a worried look on

                    his face.


                              BLONDBUSINESSMAN

                    I need to tell you something...but

                    I don't want you to get

                    mad...promise you won't get mad.


                              AMY

                    ...don't worry...I won't...


                              BLONDBUSINESSMAN

                    Okay then...I started dating

                    someone recently, actually I

                    started dating my ex wife.


                              AMY

                    Oh...really...good for you!


                              BLONDBUSINESSMAN

                    I never told you I was married when

                    I first started coming to the club

                    and now I'm thinking I should have.


                              AMY

                    Like why...you tell me what you're

                    comfortable telling me...why would

                    you ever think I'd be upset about

                    that?


                              BLONDBUSINESSMAN

                    I don't know...I just didn't want

                    you to feel like I lied to you.


                              NARRATOR

                    He was relieved when I asured him

                    that I didn't take his deception

                    personally as he held my hands then

                    kissed my hands.


                              BLONDBUSINESSMAN

                    Oh good...that's good...yeah, I was

                    married, have two young kids.


                              NARRATOR

                    I was confused...why would he for a

                    second think I would be hurt or

                    jealous about anything going on in

                    his personal life. Apparently I

                    hadn't even considered that the

                    fantasy I provide at the club might

                    actually be perceived as being some

                    kind of real out-in-the-world

                    relationship...as if it would be

                    going on without the money

                    involved. Men...how can they be so

                    gullible. Can a fantasy ever be

                    real--should a fantasy ever be

                    realized? So, the guy is dating his

                    ex-wife, who asked for a divorce

                    because he was gone all the time

                    traveling in connection with his

                    job. Da...he had to work! Shit, he

                    had a wife and two kids to support,

                    of course he had to work...dumb

                    bitch. The VIP went well, we had

                    some fun, laughed, joked around,

                    and when it was time to go he

                    tipped me a god chunk of change.


                              BLONDBUSINESSMAN

                    Thank you for understanding.


                              AMY

                    No problem...


          INT. AMY'S CLUB - DAY SHIFT


          It's VALENTINE'S DAY at the club and Amy is expecting to

          CASH in big time.


                              NARRATOR

                    Valentine's Day...that's right

                    people, Valentine's Day and I'll be

                    spending it at the club hopefully

                    making a Valentine's fantasy come

                    true for at least a few lonely

                    gentlemen. I for sure came in

                    because I knew I'd have at least

                    one regular, OlympianMan, who said

                    he was coming in and even had a

                    gift for me! He was always good for

                    a few dances, a nice tip, and I

                    could count on him to be

                    complimentary and affectionate.

                    After he left, HouseMom got a call

                    asking if I was at the club. Soon,

                    in he walks, tall, handsome, a sexy

                    hunk, let's call him ValentineMan.

                    Though he has a terribly sweet

                    crush on me I know he loves his

                    wife, his kids...and his guns. I

                    walked up and gave him a long long

                    hug.


                              AMY

                    Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart!


                              VALENTINEMAN

                    I couldn't let you be all alone on

                    Valentine's Day, now could I? Now,

                    I don't have that much time and I

                    don't mean to rush you, but do you

                    want to go back to VIP?


                              NARRATOR

                    The hour went quickly, we laughed,

                    talked, and generally had a lovely

                    time together and after the VIP we

                    sat at the VIP bar and caught up on

                    the several months since I'd seen

                    him last. Just before leaving he

                    passed me a handful of bills, with

                    a hundred on top, and even I was

                    stunned to imagine that all the

                    bills were hundreds--and yes, after

                    he left I spread the bills and they

                    WERE ALL HUNDREDS...bitchin'

                    amazing! Just as I was getting over

                    the personal loss of my best

                    friend, another death, this time in

                    my club family.


          INT. AMY'S CLUB - DAY SHIFT


          A new day of promising developments at the club, but instead

          a setback for Amy when she hears of a DEATH in her club

          family--the SAD NEWS spreading like wildfire.


                              NARRATOR

                    I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT--JUST

                    WHAT I NEEDED...more bad news and

                    on top of everything else going on

                    in my life. I'm sitting here in

                    shock after hearing of the death

                    from the bartender. After hearing

                    the sad news I could only pick at

                    my yogurt while desperately trying

                    to calm down for the sake of my

                    customers. Heart failure. It

                    happened over the weekend. One of

                    our club's HOUSEDADS, a Black man

                    with an imposing physique, but he

                    was a gentle giant, and always so

                    nice to me. At times he wouldn't

                    charge me for tip-outs, and if I'd

                    ever come in a little late he never

                    hassled me. Every once in a while

                    he'd ask for a hug. I'm shaking my

                    head in disbelief when one of my

                    regulars, JailerMan, walks in. I

                    certainly wasn't in the mood to

                    party but did my professional

                    thing. I can't believe I'll

                    actually be attending another

                    funeral and only two days.


          EXT. CHURCH WHERE FUNERAL IS BEING HELD


          Amy has on a BLACK DRESS, is carrying a card and flowers,

          drove to the church herself, parked in a not-so-good

          neighborhood and walked to the CHURCH.


                              NARRATOR

                    Funeral number two, got up early,

                    put on the same black dress from

                    T.J. Maxx, already had a card and

                    flowers, drove to the church myself

                    in a not-so-good neighborhood, and

                    walked to the church. Standing out

                    in front were a number of people I

                    knew sho worked at the club, all

                    looking forlorn and pale. I joined

                    them, feeling sick to my stomach

                    and a little shaky. Gathering all

                    the confidence I could muster I

                    began to mingle. While exchanging

                    hugs I caught one of the guys

                    looking me up and down.


                              CLUB FRIEND

                    Damn, Amy...


                              AMY

                    Yeah, I clean up all right.


                              CLUB FRIEND

                    You sure do...


                              NARRATOR

                    Apparently unable to repress the

                    inappropriate thoughts and remarks

                    giving the circumstances. I really

                    didn't mind, though. At the club

                    I'm always half naked so when I do

                    dress up it's nice that someone

                    notices, in fact as a sign of

                    respect all the club employees were

                    dressed to the nines--the dancers

                    in dresses and the men in suits or

                    dress pants, and shirts. No one

                    could believe that such a young man

                    had his life cut so short so

                    quickly so unexpectedly...no one

                    saw this toming. When my friend

                    passed, at least I had a few days

                    to prepare. I can only imagine how

                    devastated his family and close

                    friends were not having a chance to

                    say goodbye. So many different

                    kinds of people from all walks of

                    life at the funeral and many were

                    crying. Walking up to the casket my

                    hands began shaking. He was such a

                    massive man with a larger-than-life

                    personality and yet in the casket

                    he looked so small. One of the

                    dancers I was close with teared up,

                    but I just couldn't cry with her.

                    Couldn't stay for the funeral

                    because some of us were needed at

                    the club.


          INT. AMY'S CLUB - DAY SHIFT


          Returning from the wake, amy is putting on her STRIPPER

          GEAR, then, sits by the door with her friend, LatteGirl,

          when a few regulars first, then, some employees begin

          returning from the funeral service.


                              NARRATOR

                    Still in shock, devastated, and

                    dumbfounded, no one was ready for

                    gentlemen's club business as usual.

                    We all started doing shots while

                    continuing to console each other as

                    est we could. I got a few

                    compliments on how sharp I looked

                    which was a welcome lighthearted

                    break from the crush of constant

                    sadness. When HouseMom returned

                    LatteGirl left the front counter

                    area and went back to dancing. I

                    was about to leave early when

                    DirtyTalker walked in.


          DirtyTalker walkes into the club. Amy is tired, weak, and

          shaky, spent emotionally and physically.


                              NARRATOR

                    I wasn't sure I could handle him,

                    today of all days, but before I

                    could hide he saw me. After he got

                    a drink and some tipping dollars

                    from the bartender I walked over to

                    him.


                              AMY

                    Well, hello, how are you?


                              NARRATOR

                    As usual he wanted to get right to

                    VIP which represented his

                    particular sensual fantasy

                    involving nasty talking and of

                    course he wanted me to talk dirty

                    to him.


                              AMY

                    I can tell you've been a bad bad

                    boy lately...I know you've got

                    those dirty magazines hidden in the

                    garage. I suppose you sneak in

                    there at night to masturbate...I

                    know you're kind.


                              DIRTYTALKER

                    Yeah...yeah...yeah...you should

                    talk, showing your snatch to any

                    guy with $20 for lap dance,

                    yep...yep...so see I know you're

                    kind too.


                              AMY

                    I can just see you working your

                    dick to get it hard enough to

                    come...we girls don't have that

                    problem, no erection needed for us

                    to come.


                              DIRTYTALKER

                    I've got a great penis, you really

                    should see it...


                              AMY

                    Really...and who else would you

                    like to show it to?


                              DIRTYTALKER

                    My daughter has a teenage high

                    school friend...would I ever like

                    to see it if I could get her wet

                    and willing to get me off...


                              NARRATOR

                    I'm having trouble concentrating on

                    what he's saying but then out of

                    the blue he asks me to say his name

                    and I can't fucking remember. He

                    gets so excited.


                              DIRTYTALKER

                    You're so so hot Amy, what I'd do

                    to you if we ever get a chance to

                    be alone...say my name...say you

                    want me...I know you get off

                    thinking about bedding me...admit

                    it...


                              NARRATOR

                    I don't see him that often, so his

                    name doesn't stick with me for some

                    reason, I asked him to tell me his

                    name but the prick would not and

                    instead got offended. At this point

                    I seriously wanted to punch him in

                    the face. Instead I pulled in my

                    fangs and finished the VIP. After a

                    small tip and an insincere hug he

                    left...FUCK, I CAN'T REMEMBER

                    EVERYBODY'S NAME!!!!


          INT. AMY'S CLUB -DAY SHIFT


          Back into her work routine, Amy is sitting at her usual spot

          at the bar on PRESIDENT'S DAY, hoping some regulars will

          show up, when a WHALE of a man walks through the club door,

          passes on Amy, and has a VIP with QUINESSENTIALBLOND.


                              NARRATOR

                    President's Day, the kids are out

                    of school and so not many of their

                    parents are walking through the

                    club doors, but what the fuck, you

                    never know. Sat around, did a few

                    dances, but then a man came in I

                    knew to be a local real estate

                    tycoon. An extremely large whale of

                    a man, but as I recall very nice,

                    someone I used to do regular VIPs

                    with, but then he stopped seeing me

                    and I could sense he was depressed,

                    had stopped grooming, and gained

                    even more weight. Apparently, money

                    can't buy happiness because I knew

                    he was rich as shit. One thing I

                    knew about him was that he was

                    always tempting the girls to go

                    home with him, you know, be his

                    girlfriend and party with him, let

                    him be a sugar daddy. Guys will be

                    guys but despite that he was a

                    sweetheart--something cuddly and

                    endearing about him...like a

                    six-foot 350-pound teddy bear. I

                    was sitting at the bar when he

                    finished his VIP and surprisingly

                    he came over by me.


                              WHALEMAN

                    I hear you wrote a book!


                              AMY

                    ...well...yes I did...


                              WHALEMAN

                    So...tell me about it.


                              NARRATOR

                    He listened intently about how I

                    put my memoir together with the

                    help of my recordings and editor,

                    then, he began telling me about a

                    book idea he had, one he was sure

                    would be made into a movie.


                              WHALEMAN

                    So...do you want to go...back

                    there...


                              NARRATOR

                    At first I wasn't sure what he

                    meant, but we ended up doing two

                    VIPs, he was pleasant, massaged my

                    shoulders, we talked some more and

                    it was all good.


                              WHALEMAN

                    Now...the next time I come in I

                    want to buy your book!


          A little later in Amy's club day shift a guy cam in Amy knew

          to be a lawyer and JEWISH.


                              NARRATOR

                    Not bad so far, a two-TIP day

                    already, then, another regular came

                    in, I knew he was a lawyer and

                    Jewish. He's got the world's worst

                    stripper-crush on me. Oh my, he'll

                    look deeply into my eyes,

                    especially when he's drunk.


                              LAWYERMAN

                    Amy...Amy...I love you so so

                    much...


                              AMY

                    I know sweetie...but let's just

                    enjoy our time together, okay?


                              NARRATOR

                    We drink, we talk, and we do two

                    more VIPs. I rubbed his back a lot.

                    He rubs me a lot. It was actually

                    fun today because he didn't get all

                    serious, instead we were kidding

                    around. Going over our personal

                    shit, we tried to laugh everything

                    off and that helped. He likes to

                    tell jokes, but you have to listen

                    closely or you'll miss his subtle

                    insider punch line. The other girls

                    just don't get him, but me, it's

                    part of the service I offer him. He

                    loves it what I act like a ditzy

                    blond--he'll tell a joke and he

                    loves it what I look at him

                    cross-eyed like I didn't get it

                    when of course I actually do. With

                    that he'll look at me, wrinkle up

                    his nose and big Eskimo-kiss me.

                    Unfortunately, he has so many

                    health problems and I'm afraid he's

                    not going to make it too much

                    longer. These men who come into the

                    club often become very dear to me.

                    Can't say whether that's right or

                    wrong, but you spend time with

                    people, you get to know them, and

                    you end up caring about each other.


          INT. AMY'S HOME - MORNING


          It's morning, Amy's planning to work at the club when she

          gets a CALL.


                              NARRATOR

                    Damned cancer...I got a call mid

                    morning from FuzzyWuzzy. He was

                    coming in to see me. I always look

                    forward to seeing him, he's so

                    sweet...he's just FuzzyWuzzy. He

                    walked through the door and we had

                    lunch. With more time on his

                    schedule we had a chance to talk

                    more. He heard my sad stories and I

                    heard his. A little like

                    DirtyTalker he likes to tell

                    off-color jokes. They offend some

                    of the girls but I find them

                    amusing.


                              FUZZYWUZZY

                    I thought the vasectomy I had on

                    the sly would keep my wife from

                    getting pregnant, apparently all it

                    really does is change the color of

                    the baby.


                              NARRATOR

                    So...there's a lot to unpack in a

                    joke like that, but I've been

                    around the block a few times and

                    theme of the joke, who's going to

                    control contraception, ended up

                    being something I could laugh at,

                    despite the racial issue involved.

                    Or how about this one.


                              FUZZYWUZZY

                    So, a guy takes his wife to the

                    State Fair where they visit the

                    bulls. Walking up to the first bull

                    there's a sign that reads, THIS

                    BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR. The

                    wife turns to her husband and says,

                    'He mated 50 times in a year...you

                    could learn something from him.'

                    They proceed to the next bull and

                    learn he'd mated 65 times in the

                    past year. Again his wife suggest

                    he could learn from that bull as

                    well. Moving on the the last bull

                    they learn he mated 365 times

                    during the year. The wife's mouth

                    drops open and she says, 'WOW,365

                    times, that's ONCE A DAY! You

                    really could learn from this one.'

                    The man turns to his wife and

                    replied, "Now, go up to the owner

                    and ask if he mated 365 times with

                    the same cow!'


          We do a VIP and afterward he wanted to talk.


                              FUZZYWUZZY

                    I've had a recent cancer

                    diagnosis...but they're still

                    figuring out what to do about it.


                              NARRATOR

                    Fucking cancer, man, that's another

                    one I have to worry about. I'm

                    beginning to feel like my regulars

                    might just all die off before I'm

                    ready to retire from club

                    life--what the hell...FUCK! It

                    makes me so sad but when I'm with

                    them I go out of my way to show

                    them a good time and by that I

                    simply mean I let them know in no

                    uncertain terms that I care. Walked

                    FuzzyWuzzy to the door, he gave me

                    a big, long goodbye hug.


                              FUZZYWUZZY

                    So...I'll see you when I see you...


                              NARRATOR

                    His life was so much more

                    complicated now, his wife retired

                    and was home a lot, he was sick and

                    doctoring, so I knew I couldn't

                    count on him coming in on a regular

                    basis anymore. As he walked out

                    into the hallway it was sunny and

                    the thought of possibly not seeing

                    him again got to me and I just

                    needed another hug...caught up to

                    him in the parking lot, my arms

                    outstretched, and squeezed and

                    squeezed and squeezed.


          INT. AMY'S CLUB - NEW DAY


          Amy is sitting at the bar getting her day organized when

          VALENTINEMAN comes in.


                              NARRATOR

                    ValentineMan showed up today and

                    was I ever glad to see him as my

                    work day had been dragging on. He's

                    usually good for two VIPs, tips

                    well, and couldn't be sweeter.


          Before continuing, Amy looks around the club at some of the

          other girls working their club customers.


                              NARRATOR

                    The smart dancers, the ones who

                    bank, need the mindset of an

                    emergency room intake nurse. We

                    have to triage our waiting patients

                    by using clues to figure out who

                    can make us the most money. In my

                    current case, though, why would I

                    spend time with anyone else when my

                    ValentineMan was in the house?


          INT. AMY'S CLUB - NEW DAY


          Back at Amy's club,  but on a Friday, usually a slow day for

          her, but not today.


                              NARRATOR

                    It was a Friday and LatteGirl was

                    in the house, normally she only

                    works Tuesdays. These days I'm

                    closer to her than any of the other

                    girls, but that doesn't mean I see

                    much of her on Tuesdays as she

                    typically has a standing

                    appointment with a regular who

                    takes up most of her day, so I was

                    looking forward to perhaps playing

                    with her today while both of us

                    make good money besides enjoying

                    each other's company. As I was

                    chatting with her, ValentineMan

                    walked through the club doors. I

                    got right up and headed toward him,

                    we met half way and I got his

                    enthusiastic caveman hug that took

                    me right off my feet after which I

                    gave him a great-to-see-you smooch

                    on the cheek.


                              AMY

                    Twice in one month...this is

                    amazing!


                              NARRATOR

                    I'd been briefed that he was

                    bringing someone with him, his

                    BOSS, who was standing right there.


                              AMY

                    Hi, I'm Amy!


                              NARRATOR

                    Planning several move ahead...I

                    really should take up chess, I came

                    up with a plan to promote what I'd

                    hoped was coming next.


                              AMY

                    I have a present for you.


                              BOSS

                    Really...but you just met me!


                              NARRATOR

                    I hadn't ever seen him in the club

                    before, so figuring he was a

                    newbie, who knows what fantasies he

                    imagined might be realized in a

                    gentlemen's club. I grabbed

                    ValentineMan's hand and we all

                    walked over to his

                    present...LatteGirl. To avoid the

                    crush and commotion of the usually

                    large Friday club crowd, we picked

                    up some drinks and headed to the

                    more restricted VIP lounge area.

                    The chemistry clicked, the

                    conversation came easy as did the

                    laughs. That's usually a good sign

                    and sure enough ValentineMan walked

                    over to HouseMom and handed her his

                    credit card for two VIPs.


                              VALENTINEMAN

                    Ready for a good time!


                              AMY

                    Sure am...


                              VALENTINEMAN

                    Everything's taken care of, you and

                    I have an hour, then, 30 minutes

                    for my boss.


                              NARRATOR

                    As I suspected, this might have

                    been a brand new experience for his

                    boss and so he might have wanted to

                    test the waters before driving into

                    the deep end of a long VIP. Both

                    session went well and afterward we

                    all hung out for about an hour.

                    When LatteGirl was on stage,

                    ValentineMan's boss, now

                    moonstruck, leaned over to me.


                              VALENTINEMAN'S BOSS

                    Thank you so much for giving me

                    such a nice present. I'm going to

                    try and come back soon!


                              NARRATOR

                    To express their gratitude in a

                    more material way, we were both

                    given sizable tips before they

                    left. So, a good Friday for a

                    change...Yay for my ValentineMan!


          


          THE END OF SHAVE SLOWLY LIMITED TV SERIES - EPISODE #07


          


                              


                              

                    

                    


                              

                     


                              

                    


                              


          

                    


          


          


                              

                    


          


          


                              


          

                    


          


                              

                    

                    


          


                              


                              


                              


                              


                              


                              


                              

                    


          

                    


          


                              


          

                    

                    

                    


                              

                    


          


          


          

                    


                              

                    

                     

                    


                              

                    



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