INT. AMY'S CLUB - DAY SHIFT
Amy is tired but knows the SHOW must go on. First into the
club to see her was DELIVERYMAN, but soon followed one
regular after another putting the pressure on Amy to spend
quality time with all of them.
NARRATOR
Oh so tired but the show must go
on...right? Just couldn't get off
the carnival ride today...round and
round the club carousel I went and
as usual with no idea how I'd get
off or how all my regulars who
showed up were going to get on and
spend some quality time with me.
First up today was DeliveryMan. I
knew he wanted dances right away so
the pressure was on as another
regular, FirefighterMan walked in
at exactly the same time...and,
yes, followed by
HyperBusinessMan...then, right on
his heels, CommercialRealEstateMan,
who was a VIP regular--WHAT'S A
GIRL TO DO, THERE'S ONLY ONE OF ME,
GUYS! HyperBusinessMan is also a
dependable VIP regular, but he is
also the most difficult of all my
clients to manage. So, my
bank-teller brain got to work
calculating how best to service
them all and I started with
DeliveryMan, getting his dances out
of the way. Next, I took the time
to say hello to them all. I'd
already lost
CommercialRealEstateMan to
GlitterGirl who pounced when she
saw I was busy in the private dance
area. Knowing I had to take more
drastic action, I approached
HyperBusinessMan.
AMY
I am so so sorry, but can you
please be patient, it won't be long
now...will you wait for me?
HYPERBUSINESSMAN
I don't know...It's been months
since I've seen you and this is the
best you can do for me.
NARRATOR
Of course he had to be an ass about
it, complaining, and all but being
rude. I was irritated but
professional and went off to do
some dances with FireFighterMan who
was next on my club triage list. As
soon as I finished
CommercialRealEstateMan got out of
VIP and came right over to me. A
quick 'Let's go,' and we were
having a simple, uncomplicated VIP.
Meanwhile HyperBusinessMan had
picked out another girl to sit
with, someone I like, so I didn't
horn in. She's oldeer but works
hard at keeping herself looking
good, she has class and can carry
on a good conversation...refreshing
in my line of work. Off they went
to do a VIP. It didn't take long
and you could hear him from back in
the secluded VIP way out to the
front of the club. He's so fucking
loud and says such disturbing
things. And he's so grabby that he
had her squealing. Actually it's
hard not to laugh because he's so
ridiculous. Meanwhile the
Applejacks show up so I sit with
them and we all listened to the
shenanigans going on back in VIP.
When he was finished I made my
move.
AMY
So, did you have fun in there?
HYPERBUSINESSMAN
Well...not like with you, but
then...you were busy.
NARRATOR
He just had to go there...be
obnoxious, but we managed to get
into a playful back-and-forth
banter pushing each other's
buttons.
AMY
Look...you just have to come in
more often if you expect special
treatment. I mean, I'm sorry I
wasn't available but you know I
care about you and you know I want
to spend time with you.
Amy is patting him on the leg and rubbing his arm while at
the same time trying to calm him down. He gets up to use the
restroom.
HYPERBUSINESSMAN
When I get back let's do a VIP...
NARRATOR
Then, my phone started buzzing...a
text from one of the Applejacks.
POLACK
Why the long face?
NARRATOR
I trotted over there quickly to
explain.
AMY
In the whole goddamned world this
is the worst guy to have in VIP.
You've heard him earlier, well
it'll be worse with me.
HyperBusinessMan gets back and with Amy on his arm they head
to VIP.
NARRATOR
The thing about him he's actually
pretty cute. He dresses well,
always showing up wearing a suit.
He's sort of like a Ken Doll, but
all that said he's absolutely
crazy...but you've just got to love
him, regardless. The VIP begins and
he starts right up.
HYPERBUSINESSMAN
I want to marry you first, then,
get you real pregnant.
He's yelling at the top of his lungs right into the back of
Amy's head as she's rubbing her ass right through his dress
pants onto his seriously hard erection.
NARRATOR
I'm rubbing my ass right through
his dress pants and onto his
seriously hard erection at the same
time that he's yelling at the top
of his lungs right into the back of
my head.
HYPERBUSINESSMAN
I want to fuck you so bad...and
yes, I'll use a condom, baby!
NARRATOR
Again, he's blaring all this out
for everyone in the club to hear
and anyone who didn't know better
would think we were having sex
right in the VIP booth. And as if
that wasn't enough he's latching
onto my hips so hard that I have to
slap his hands off. But then he'll
put his hands on my shoulders and
slam my body down onto him so hard
that he's actually left bruises.
The verbal water-boarding finally
over, he calmed down and
surprisingly wanted to do some
private dances with me and the
other dancer he'd had in VIP before
me.
AMY
So so sorry...I didn't have a
chance to warn you about him, but
he wants to do some dances with us.
VIP DANCER
You're kidding, right? That guy is
ridiculous!
AMY
Yeah...I'm usually the only one who
deals with him. These days he's
actually much better than he used
to be.
VIP DANCER
Well...I don't know...I promised
some dances to another customer.
NARRATOR
She wouldn't commit to the
double-dances and I didn't blame
her, so I ended up going back there
with him by myself, but he was
strangely calm and only wanted me
to sit on his lap, which I did, and
just rubbed his shoulders and
chest, and also stroking his face
gently along with hugs. For some
reason he was totally subdued, like
someone who was finally able to
relax but only after a violent
epileptic seizure--think Mr. Hyde
transitioning into Dr. Jekyll. A
big long hug goodbye, a
take-care-of-yourself kiss on the
cheek, and he was out the door for
probably another four months.
INT. AMY'S CLUB - DAY SHIFT
The Applejacks are waiting for Amy to spend some time with
them.
NARRATOR
The Applejacks were waiting for me,
I sat down and leaned on the
Polack's shoulder and soon the top
of my head felt his empathetic
kiss.
POLACK
How are you doing?
AMY
Exhausted...I suppose you heard all
of that madness...I am so
embarrassed.
POLACK
Like why...I'm just sorry you have
to put up with that kind of thing.
AMY
...thanks...thanks for caring.
NARRATOR
Another unfricking believable
day...
INT. AMY'S CLUB - A NEW DAY
Amy's ValentineMan is coming in.
NARRATOR
It's not February, but I'm about to
have another Valentine's Day
celebration. Yes, in my business
society's holiday calendar schedule
doesn't apply...because my
ValentineMan was coming n and that
meant it was another chance to
celebrate love-lusty affection in
all its forms, but to get my day
started ElectricianMan sent me a
text wondering if I was at th club.
Now, I can't always count on him
but to be safe I let him know about
my early afternoon appointment.
When ElectricianMan did show up I
sent a text to ValentineMan to
confirm and give him the head's up.
He texted me back.
VALENTINEMAN
Go make your money...I'll be there
around two and I'll wait for you.
NARRATOR
He's so sweet and understanding
about everything I have to go
through to provide intimate
services to my many regulars. I
finished a VIP with ElectricianMan
and good timing my ValentineMan
walks in. He's tall, good-looking,
knows how to use his hands, and is
a huge tipper, not to mention huge
in that other private
department...hey, we know!
Amy sits down with ValentineMan and they talk. When finished
after a long hug he leaves.
NARRATOR
He's such a good listener, focused
on every word, especially when I
told him about my Boob Fest book
signing and the jewelry show in
Madison. You can tell when someone
really cares and he does. For no
particular reason he'll text me
messages like, 'I think about you
every day,' or 'Hope all is well'
and 'Miss you, love you, please
keep in touch.' And unlike so many
other clients he's not about
graphic sexual innuendos, just
sweet schoolgirl-crush sentiments.
When I get to a place like that
with a client I feel I'm doing
something right, that my brand of
special attention and club time is
worth their hard-earned money.
After a long, warm, sincere hug
goodbye my ValentineMan walked out
the door...until the next
Valentine's Day at the club!
INT. AMY'S CLUB - A NEW DAY
A new day, a Monday at the club. Amy describes attending her
man's father's birthday party on Saturday, and the
uncomfortable MOTHER'S DAY when Jehovah's Witnesses
typically don't celebrate any holidays, but she did end up
taking her man's mother out for brunch.
NARRATOR
Sitting in my club spot at the bar
on a quiet Monday I couldn't help
but recall the weekend, celebrating
my man's father's birthday who had
reached one of those milestones in
life. I wore heels and a pair of
brand new jeans, a white see
through sweater with a tank top
underneath for modesty, the same
tank top I wore during the Boob
Fest contest and while making small
talk with the family my mind was
racing back to the crazy mayhem of
that great night at the lesbian
bar. I needed the distraction as
most of the people at the birthday
party were at least twice my age. A
few hors d'oeuvres, some cake, a
few goodbye hugs and kisses later
and it was all over. Sunday was
Mother's Day but since the JW's
don't celebrate any holiday I
didn't call her. Anyway, we're just
not that close, I love her and all,
but she probably didn't know it was
Mother's Day anyway. At least we
took my man's mother out for brunch
to make up for not seeing my
mother. Today at the club I sat
around until OlympianMan showed up
just after noon. Next my sweet
CowboyMan came in and we did some
dances. After they both left the
rest of my earning day was a wash,
but at least the Applejacks showed
up and I passed the rest of the
afternoon hanging out with them.
This time I managed to stop my
drinking early enough so I could
drive home safely.
INT. FASHION SHOW #2 - MONDAY - EVENING
LunchGuy picks up Amy and they head to another FASHION SHOW
where he's supplying the jewelry again. After the show the
couple goes to an elegant restaurant.
NARRATOR
Another runway and though this time
I wasn't on it I sure did enjoy
attending a fashion show on the arm
of my sweet LunchGuy. Only the
VIP-best for us, seats right on the
end of the path where themodels
would be weaving in between the
aisles. I met LunchGuy in our usual
spot and we drove together. He was
supplying the jewelry again for
this production. The show featured
local designers and some of them
were modeling their own clothes.
The event was elegantly produced
with bright silver gift bags on the
backs of all the chairs. We were in
a good spot to not only watch the
models in person but also enjoy
seeing them prance on the big
screen monitors. I was wearing a
designer gown and looked as good as
any of the models...if I do say so
myself! LunchGuy couldn't take his
eyes off of me, turning his head to
check me out time after time after
time. In my heels I was much taller
and that intimidating perspective
can be a bit overwhelming for a
man, but also a turn-on. The show
over I was treated to some fine
dining at an elegant restaurant and
another Monday with my sweet
LunchGuy became another cherished
memory.
INT. AMY'S HOME - WEDNESDAY - MORNING
Amy isn't feeling well and is SOAKING in a hot sudsy tub,
candles lit, music softly playing, but still ends up having
a PANIC ATTACK. Her dog senses a problem and is scratching
frantically on the bathroom door. Pulling herself out of the
tub she made it to the toilet where she got sick and then
just sits there breathing deeply until the panic attack
subsides after which Amy, using the walls for support, makes
it to her bed.
NARRATOR
Woke up and just wasn't feeling
well...I knew I was stressed and it
had me queasy. To relax I filled a
tub with hot water, lots of suds,
candles lit, music softly playihng
in the background, and eased my
anxious body into the soothing
liquid. Now, this usually calms me
right down but this time the
anxiety I was feeling escalated
into a full-blown panic attack.
Completely overwhelmed I began
hyperventilating and soon my body
shut down to the point where I
couldn't even move. The dog knew
something was wrong and I could
hear him scratching frantically at
the bathroom door trying to get in.
For some reason I lost it after
getting a text from my editor about
wrapping up the recordings for my
memoir. I'd begun the recordings
which were transcribed into the
book three years earlier and whole
point was to transition to a
different professional life,
primarily so I could start a
family, but some powerful force,
one I don't really understand, is
holding me back. I just don't feel
close to ending what I do at the
club and I'm certainly not ready to
change my life dramatically right
now and the conflict is triggering
these damned panic attacks. The
other red flag, I'm not at all
where I wanted to be at this point
in my life and the sense of failure
is crushing at times, but hey, shit
happens, setbacks dump on everyone,
don't they. No excuses though--it's
all up to me. Still in the grip of
the panic attack, the dog still
scratching feverishly at the door,
I managed to p ull myself out of
the tub and crawl over to the
toilet where I got sick, then, just
sat there on the bathroom floor
wrapped in a towel. I knew enough
to breathe deeply in and out until
the attack subsided and finally I
was able to get up, drink some cold
water, and using the walls for
support shuffled onto my bed.
EXT. WEDNESDAY - DAY
Amy decides to take the day off from the club but still
wants to make some money and so agrees to spend the day with
one of her REGULARS. They meet at the OLIVE GARDEN, have
dinner, and talk.
NARRATOR
After the disastrous morning did I
ever need a day off from the club.
CowboyMan had been asking to take
me to dinner, I'd been putting him
off, but desperate to have a calm
quiet day and still make some
decent money I called him.
AMY
So...do you still want to have
dinner?
COWBOYMAN
Absolutely...what did you have in
mind.
AMY
Well, I'm free this afternoon. I'll
spend the good part of the day with
you for what you usually spend on a
VIP at the club. Does that work for
you?
COWBOYMAN
Why yes...gladly...when and where
do you want to meet?
AMY
Meet me at the Olive Garden in an
hour.
COWBOYMAN
I'll be there...
Amy and CoboyMan meet at the Olive Garden, but it isn't open
so they roam around a pet store before returning to the
Olive Garden to have dinner and talk.
NARRATOR
He agreed and was I ever looking
forward to getting some sun and
fresh air. For May it certainly
wasn't warm, but I still wore my
sexy flip-flops. We met at the
Olive Garden but it wasn't open yet
so we went to a pet store where I
saw some cute cats up for adoption,
walked around, looked at the fish,
and joked before heading back to
the Olive Garden. After dinner I
had to listen to another sad story
of personal grief and loss.
COWBOYMAN
Thank you for this time together,
since my wife passed with brain
cancer, no less, the loneliness has
been hard to manage.
AMY
I can imagine...when did she pass?
COWBOYMAN
Last month...
AMY
I'm so so sorry for your loss...
COWBOYMAN
Thank you...thank you...but if that
wasn't enough, my oldest son is
struggling with epilepsy and the
doctors aren't sure just how to
help him.
AMY
Not good...but you have to be
strong for him...can you do that?
COWBOYMAN
I know you're right...I will...I
will...
Dinner over, the club couple went for a DRIVE and PARKED by
a lake.
NARRATOR
Done talking, we went for a drive
in his Mustang and parked by a
lake. Feeling like two innocent,
inexperienced high school kids out
on a first date I just held his
hand as we talked and talked and
talked. The professional imbalance
was apparent in our conversation as
he opened up about every last
detail and secret in his life,
while I was much more guarded about
what I told him about mine. I know
this is one of the obvious ongoing
sources of conflict and stress in
my personal and professional life.
To keep up the illusion, the
fantasy, the possibility that if a
customer pursues me I might fall
for them, and yet no one knows that
I'm actually not available. I know
it has to be this way but I can't
help feel guilty leading on these
sweet guys who actually fall for
me.
COWBOYMAN
So, Amy, thank you again for this
time together. I want us to be
friends and I'm hoping we can get
even closer.
NARRATOR
I've heard it all before and
suspect that many of my regulars
are lonely. I don't think CowboyMan
has much to hold onto in his
personal life, but at least I'm
nice to him and he's holding onto
that. Yes, I mean more to him than
he means to me, but that doesn't
mean I don't genuinely care for
him. After a pleasant day we parted
ways. It went well and I think I'll
see him again.
INT. AMY'S CLUB - A NEW DAY - DAY SHIFT
Amy is about to celebrate a regular's BIRTHDAY at the club.
After she does a few dances they go to VIP where she gives
him a MASSAGE, they talk, and plenty of hugs.
NARRATOR
I do like birthdays at the club,
especially when a VIP with me is
the customer's present to himself!
My PostMan's actual birthday was in
two days but I certainly understood
the concept of a birthday week.
After waiting for me to finish a
few dances, I was all his, giving
him the special
blow-out-the-candles treatment, a
thorough massage and plenty of
hugs. Such a decent guy with a wife
and kids, the whole bit, just in
the club for a little
out-of-the-ordinary spice time.
COWBOYMAN
Well, Amy, as always, thank you
thank you thank you, but I'm off to
coach a softball game my son is
playing in!
After CowboyMan leaves Amy gets a TEXT from her editor
asking if he can use SHELLBIE'S name in the manuscript of
her memoir. This hits her hard and she starts downing SHOTS,
sitting with the AppleJacks.
NARRATOR
I guess this guy was living the
American Dream of family and
professional fulfillment and yet it
still meant something to include me
in a celebration to honor his life.
After the PostMan left I got a text
from my editor who rattled me by
asking if he could us Shellbie's
name in the manuscript. He knew I'd
avoided using her actual name until
slipping up and yes, mentioning it
during a recording. Suddenly my
mood changed and sitting with the
Applejacks I started knocking back
shots with a vengeance. To the
Applejacks I was outwardly happy,
laughing and kidding around with
them, when I was really plotting to
get so drunk that I'd forget that
Shellbie was actually gone.
Thinking about her still makes me
crazy angry. Why did she have to
die in the prime of her life, it
wasn't right or fair and I was
pissed. I wish I could fucking get
over this. If Shellbie were here
she'd slap me silly for taking her
passing so hard and she say, Amy,
knock it off...suck it up...get
past it!
Amy is called to the STAGE, finishes her tip walk, and it's
time for the shift change. The NIGHT GIRLS are trickling in.
NARRATOR
Usually I can't wait to escape the
club but although I was only
pretending to be having a good time
with the Applejacks I didn't want
that buzz to end. It was also the
bartender's shift change. The
day-shift bartender knows to pour
me light shots so I don't get too
drunk, but the night guy, I never
knew what he was going to do, but
he started pouring me regular shots
and after pounding down four of
them I slipped into a fucking
downward get-shit-faced spiral and
that translated into feeling awful,
yet I was still having fun flirting
with my AppleJack boy-toys. Finally
it was time to leave so I headed
back to the dressing room to
change. I was so drunk I could
barely get my street clothes on.
Before leaving I stopped back in
the bar, did one more shot that was
waiting for me before turning to
head for the doors.
EXT. AMY'S CLUB - EVENING
Amy is drunk and STUMBLES outside where HouseMom was having
a smoke. Amy lights up and joins her. Both APPLEJACKS and
one of the dancers come out to join them.
NARRATOR
When I got outside HouseMom was
having a smoke so I decided to join
her and lit up. Then, both
Applejacks and one of the other
dancers they'd been sitting with
came out to join us. I was still
talking to the Polack when the
night DJ came strolling past us on
his way to the front doors.
NIGHT DJ
Is it now okay for the dancers to
be making out with customers in the
parking lot?
NARRATOR
Was he teasing...or was he serious?
He must have been joking but I was
still drunk as a skunk.
AMY
(speaking to the Polack)
Do you know what he's talking
about?
The Polack points to their truck, I turn and see the German,
sloppy-drunk making out with a dancer.
AMY (CONT'D)
Yuck!
Amy looks down and sees a spent CONDOM on the pavement. Amy
is grossed out but also feels the whole scene is hilarious
and gives the Polack a HUG before leaving.
NARRATOR
I was grossed out but it was a
Sarah-Silverman hilarious moment at
the same time, so I burst into a
fit of laughter at the comedy of
club-circus efforts taking place
all around me. Back at the front
doors I finish my cig before
hugging the Polack goodbye. As the
Polack gave me a kiss goodbye on
the cheek one of the night
HouseDads came out looking for a
confrontation.
HOUSEDAD
You guys need to get the fuck out
of here!
NARRATOR
Suspecting he was probably reacting
to the DJ telling him about the
dancer making out with a customer
in the parking lot, and realizing
that I, too, was in the wrong for
being so friendly with the Polack
outside of the club, I turned.
AMY
Goodnight, gentlemen.
With that Amy quickly heads for her CAR, gets in, and drives
away hoping to have diffused the situation.
NARRATOR
Heading down the road it occurs to
me that the HouseDad and my Polack
just might get into it over my
perhaps inappropriate club
friendship with him. I knew the
Polack had a temper, but her wasn't
the one I was worried about. With a
military background and training in
karate and even knew how to deliver
a kill hit with just his bare
hands--no, I was worried about
HouseDad. That thought sobered me
right up, so about half way home I
called him.
AMY
Hay...what's going on...everything
all right?
POLACK
Yeah...I got right out of there.
NARRATOR
I'd learned that HouseDad pushed
him, which made him furious, but he
kept his temper in check for the
sake of our relationship. Yes, he
thinks, he hopes we might have a
future together.
AMY
The important thing is you didn't
put him down, so thank you...thank
you for that.
Amy is DRIVING home while reviewing what just happened,
calls Polack, then continues home, goes inside, acts like
nothing happened, draws a hot BATH, watches some TV, and
falls asleep.
NARRATOR
The incident was over...no harm no
foul, but I knew there would be
repercussions if I kept pushing the
boundaries both the club and I have
always set with customers. I'd hate
to have the Applejacks banned from
the club and yet it might be the
best thing for everyone. What's
wrong with me, I don't fuck up like
this. I know the rules. Now, the
German Applejack with that dancer,
she's new but she'll find out fast
that she fucked up, but how could I
have been so stupid. After all that
almost went down I'm feeling
horrible but pull into my driveway
and have to go into the house and
pretend that everything was just
peachy. I make a point to always do
that and it's not just to protect
my man, if I brought difficult
incidents like that up I'd have to
relive the shit storms all over
again...when i get home I need
peace, quiet, and most of all I
need to feel safe. I'll often bath,
relax, watch some mindless TV
letting 30 Rock push all the
madness to the back burner...so
that's exactly what I'm going to do
and hopefully there won't be any.
INT. RESTAURANT - LUNCH
Amy is enjoying a GIRL'S day and night out with LatteGirl,
starting out with LUNCH, then a MASSAGE.
NARRATOR
Today is going to be a much needed
girl's day and night out with a
calm-my-frazzled-soul massage
thrown in for good measure...and
did I ever need one. Woke up still
feeling guilty for what could have
happened yesterday with the Polack
and HouseDad, but today is a new
day and I'm meeting LatteGirl for
lunch. Over crispy coconut shrimp
we talked about, what else, man
troubles.
LATTEGIRL
My guy left his phone on the
counter and when he was taking a
shower I took a look and found a
bunch of texts and sex photos to
some girl so I kicked him out right
then and there.
AMY
That's a downer...you know I'm good
with my man, but at the club, you
know, the Polack, I feel so guilty
about flirting with him when I know
it won't be going anywhere.
NARRATOR
Done gabbing LatteGirl was feeling
frisky as a result of her sudden
single status.
LATTEGIRL
You know, I want to go out...what
are you doing tonight?
NARRATOR
She delivered the question with the
emphatic overtone of I want to go
out and you do too! Clubbing plans
settled we hit the mall after which
I headed for my massage
appointment.
INT. MASSAGE THERAPIST - AFTERNOON
Amy DISROBES and stretches out on the massage table. After a
hug the masseuse gets to work on Amy. In the middle of the
MASSAGE she spends extra time on Amy's behind.
NARRATOR
My masseuse is disarming on a
number of levels, beginning with
her charming, thick Lithuanian
accent. The embodiment of a
mother's love, her large-breasted
hugs will transport you right back
to your childhood. Oozing through
her fingertips is everything
soothing, comforting, calming about
being human. During every session
she puts me right to sleep and the
being rocked-in-a-cradle effects
last the rest of the day. I love
her to death and I think sh e has a
crush on me.
MASSEUSE
Vat butiful bod you have...it like
cake.
NARRATOR
She speaks in her thick accent and
not always sure exactly what
English word to use to convey her
meaning.
MASSEUSE
I see on web that some vomens you
can hire to eat food off of...now
you good for dessert...but just
dessert.
NARRATOR
See what I mean...how damn cute and
there's more. She began spending
more time on my butt than usual,
now I know it's pretty freakin'
fabulous, but I've never had a
masseuse stay there that long.
MASSEUSE
You put anything in your butt...you
know like vomens put in their
breasts?
NARRATOR
Yes, even strippers can blush and
hearing her I felt my face turn
bright beet red.
AMY
No...but thank you for asking.
NARRATOR
Only to me...shit like this
happens...my masseuse hitting on
me. I'm not complaining as I'd do
almost anything to be able to drift
into the safe quiet space she
creates on my own with her hot
rocks, steaming towels, and magical
oiled fingertips whenever I need
it. She doesn't charge enough so I
always tip her handsomely and she
always complains I'm giving her too
much.
AMY
You know, not all you massage
therapists are created equal...I
know I'm a caring person, with my
words, with my body, and I can feel
whether other people really care
about me or not, especially during
a massage...anyway, I can tell that
you care.
NARRATOR
I've been to many a masseuse over
the years...more of a necessity
than a luxury in my line of work.
Some are tentative and afraid to
hurt me, something they sometimes
need to do to get down to the base
of the physical and emotional toxic
sludge that needs to be flushed
from my tissues. I know I'd be a
good masseuse because I'd care
enough to connect and do what needs
to be done. So much of what my
customers at the club respond to is
the simple but powerful effects of
physical touch.
While Amy is narrating the scene shifts to her at the CLUB
gently STROKING a client's legs, arms, and back.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
So much caring comes through her
fingers. Hey, maybe it's me who has
a crush on her! I'm good at
providing my special brand of club
therapy and yet my biological clock
is ticking like a time bomb and I
can't see myself in the biz as a
mother...time to seriously start
considering other pay-the-bills
options. So much of what I'm going
through, what I'm feeling, I can't
really tell anyone. I would be
worth the investment of a good
therapist if they could actually
help me move my life forward and
put the club in the rear view
mirror once and for all.
INT. DANCE CLUB - EVENING
Amy gets home, takes a nap, DRESSES seductively to go out
dancing, and enters the first club. As Amy remembers going
there in her youth the scene shows that simulation, Amy in
TIGHT JEANS, tank top, push-up bra, combat boots, getting on
the SWINGS, DANCING on the bar
NARRATOR
The first club was familiar party
turf from my wild youth. On a
regular basis I'd slip into my
tightest jeans, add a tank top,
push-up bra, combat boots, and get
Coyote-Ugly crazy on the dance
floor. They had swings hanging from
the ceiling and girls would get up
on the bar and dance. The DJ both
was my spot to bust loose. I'd
leave the club just dripping with
sweat. Walking in I cold see the
place had changed ownership.
Renamed and remodeled it was like
the inside of a log cabin with a
more country atmosphere, but the DJ
was playing old throwback
fun-to-dance-to music. After
standing on the perimeter sipping
our drinks and sizing up the crowd,
we didn't waste much time working
our way to the dance floor. Early
on two guys locked on, they didn't
come up, say hi, or offer to buy us
a drink, they just stood there
gawking, too intimidated to act on
their attraction to us. When we
were ready to leave, on our way out
on purpose we walked right past
them.
Amy leans in and WHISPERS something in the ear of the guy
was watching me the whole night, then walks away, after
which embarrassed his jaw drops.
AMY
...you're welcome...
NARRATOR
His jaw dropped with a
you-caught-me-leering look accented
with both a smirk and I'm
embarrassed, but totally
entertained smile.
INT. DANCE CLUB #2 - EVENING
Amy and LatteGirl leave the first club and head across the
street to another, the girls order bottles of water and hit
the DANCE FLOOR, but the crowd did not like the DJ's
selections, let him know, he picked better songs, and the
dance party resumed. While dancing a short GREEK MAN
approached Amy, put his hand on her, she rebuffs his
advance, goes back to dancing, and he comes up again putting
his head right on her BREAST as she is towering over him in
her heels.
NARRATOR
Across the street was another club
I'd been in to many many times in
the past before settling into
gentleman's club life. My man used
to work there as a bouncer. Already
buzzed, after grabbing a couple
bottles of water we worked out way
to the dance floor settling into a
good spot under a speaker by the DJ
booth. Sadly, the DJ didn't know
what he was doing and his
selections froze the dancers at
times or worse cleared the floor.
It didn't take long before people
started yelling at him to play
better music, he did and the dance
floor filled up again! Before long
this short little man, Greek I
think, approached me, his belt
buckle only coming to the middle of
my thigh, but he was all GQ'd out
in his Polo shirt, flipped-up
collar, Mohawk haircut, and tight
jeans held up with that big belt. I
was dancing with my hands held up
to about shoulder level when he
made his move. Using the cold,
clammy hand he'd just taken off of
his iced drink he grabbed onto
mine. Are you freaking kidding me,
I responded disdainfully by
squeezing his hand really hard
before pushing it away, before
proceeding to wipe my hand off on
my jeans...YUCK! Not deterred,
after we went back to dancing he
came up again planting his face
right up to my boob as that's as
far up my body as he could reach,
as in my heels I was towering over
him. I wasn't looking or acting
approachable, but that didn't keep
him from pressuring me.
GREEK MAN
(drunk...slurring his words)
You ladies having fun tonight?
AMY
(responding without a hint of
a let's-talk smile)
Yep...
GREEK MAN
You ladies want to dance?
AMY
Nope...
GREEK MAN
You ladies lesbians?
AMY
Yes...yes we are.
GREEK MAN
So then why don't you want to dance
with me?
AMY
I don't do that...I don't dance
with boys...I don't like dick.
NARRATOR
LatteGirl is getting a big kick out
of my first-class bitch act...boys
can be so stupid sometimes. This
guy just wouldn't quit and
continued his pitch.
GREEK MAN
Can we exchange numbers?
AMY
NO!
GREEK MAN
Why not?
AMY
Cuz I DON'T DO THAT!!
NARRATOR
He kept blathering on and at one
point sent spittle onto my boob. I
wiped it right off.
AMY
Why don't you go talk to those
short girls over there...we're done
here!
Amy pushes him away.
NARRATOR
I shoved the little guy with my
hands, he was drunk, and dumb, and
embarrassed himself, but it was fun
toying with him. We kept dancing
even as the dance floor got more
and more crowded.
LatteGirl is being hemmed in by a rude crowded dance floor.
Amy decides to do something about it, ELBOWING a few dancers
out of the way to make space for LATTEGIRL.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
LatteGirl was hemmed in, every time
she tried to move from her spot she
got bumped back by some thug on the
dance floor. Upset by this I made a
move to switch places with her, now
it was me he was continuing to
bully so I began elbowing the
mosh-pit-mentality jerk out of the
way. He gave me a you-bitch look
and I returned a
you're-welcome-pussy smirk...but
basically all in good fun. Said
farewell to a few people we knew
and were out the door just after
midnight. Got a goodbye hug from
LatteGirl.
Amy gets a long, meaningful HUG from LatteGirl, thanking her
for the good time and good friendship.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
In my line of work there are many
different degrees of hugs and the
meanings they carry. Rarely is it I
really like you and I'm glad we
spent time together, but that
heartfelt message was in
LatteGirl's extended goodnight hug.
INT. AMY'S HOME - MEMORIAL DAY - DAY
Amy is home alone on a rainy holiday. After taking a WALK,
she begins worrying about that almost happened at the club.
Amy is seen flirting with the Polack, but then the scene
shifts to her imagining him breaking into her house and
SHOOTING her, leaving her man alive, in a fit of rage when
he sees him.
NARRATOR
Memorial Day has to be a good day,
a holiday, right? Lazed around in
my PAJAMA PANTS, only getting out
to take a walk. It was one of those
rainy days that makes you feel like
hibernating from the gray dawn to
an even darker dusk. I got up still
worried about the mess I was in at
the club. I wasn't worried about
club management, it was this guy
I'd been flirting with, Polack, and
what he might do when he finally
finds out that I'm not really
available. The guilt was eating me
up. I give him so much
attention...because he needs
it...because I need it...but he's
not happy. I crave having a crush
on him at the club, he's someone I
look forward to seeing without
being paid...more like a real
relationship you'd have in the
outside world. Besides the upside,
the guilt got me obsessing about
what he might actually do in a fit
of anger, like breaking into the
house and shooting me. I don't
really think he would, but just the
possibility has me worried. It's
more, though, about hurting his
feelings, or my man's feelings, not
that I've slept with anyone, yet I
know I'm already guilty of
emotional infidelity. Is that
grounds for divorce in Wisconsin? I
was home alone when all these
disturbing distractions began
bombarding me. Usually a good
distraction, LunchGuy texted me and
sent me a picture.
Amy is looking at her PHONE and see a picture of some
patriotic art. At first she is delighted, but then starts to
become unhinged thinking about how needy her club REGULARS
are. But then she thinks about her many regulars and how in
many cases she cherishes them as much as they do her.
Recalling aspects of her childhood, she forgives herself for
being so needy for the affection she gets from her club
regulars. While talking about how much her regulars mean to
her, there are scenes of her HUGGING several club regulars,
some at the bar, others in VIP, and last as they're leaving
the club.
AMY
So...tell me more about the pic?
LUNCHGUY
When my mother was younger she
created this patriotic art
incorporating eagles, flags, that
sort of thing, and she won first
prize at the state fair the year
she submitted it. LunchGuy felt
like sharing that with me, as he
always does,so many personal
touching intimate details of his
life. At first I smiled then,
without warning, I started feeling
trapped, the pressure of so many
people depending on me to be there
for them. My club regulars count on
me to provide them with a sense of
being part of a meaningful, caring
relationship. What would happen to
those men if I were no longer in
their lives, so how can I ever just
walk away from what I'm doing at
the club.I provide them with moral
support and genuine affection. They
ask my advice on just about
everything important going on in
their lives. In many cases I
validate their existence and
choices. It's a heavy burden to
carry, but the real reason is that
for many of them the genuine
affection works both ways. How
could anyone come through my
childhood, neglected, abandoned,
and not have a fucked-up sense of
their worth as a human being. Every
day at the club my loyal,
appreciative regulars remind me
that I'm beautiful, desirable, and
most of all deserve to be loved.
More than the money I'm just not
sure I'm healthy enough to survive
my own fragile emotional skin
without their constant hugs of
validation. As these weighty
worries continued to pile on top of
me I reached a tipping point where
I felt like I was inside a box, a
psychological coffin and the lid
was being lowered. The pressure
erupted into a full blown panic
attack right in what should be the
safety of my kitchen. I start
hyperventilating, my chest gets so
tight you think you're having a
heart attack. Weak in the knees, I
have to hold on to the counter to
keep from falling down. Still able
to think clearly, I grabbed an ice
pack from the frig, drank some
water, and sat in a chair before
slowly calming back down. My
precious pooch helped snap me back
to sanity b y feverishly licking my
face. Maybe I do need a therapist
to get all this crap off my
chest...know any good ones?
INT. AMY'S HOME - MEMORIAL DAY
Amy, feeling better, has to get ready to host a BARBECUE
gathering at her home. Amy goes into the store and draws
disapproving GLANCES from wives and mothers with children
because of what she's wearing, but then she encounters a
stock boy.
NARRATOR
Memorial Day...got up, got dressed,
but didn't shower because I had to
stock up for a holiday barbecue we
were hosting later in the
afternoon. I just realized that I'm
always the one who trudges off to
the store at times like this...that
probably should change, but then
there's something in me that likes
to play house, run errands,do for
the family and friends. I feel good
when I'm making other people happy.
Walking into the store I'm getting
dirty looks from wives and mothers
with children as I'm wearing a long
black thin summer dress accented
with see-through lace strips along
the back and a deep V-neck in
front. A little scandalous, I
suppose, but hey, if you got
it...right! While in the store I
kept running into a couple in their
early 50s. We'd walk past each
other going down an aisle and the
man kept giving me the hard
once-over and not very discretely.
Finally we were in the dairy
section, he looked one too many
times, and his wife smacked him
good. Though I had ice cream on my
list I took myself right out of
that volatile situation and walked
quickly away. I knew it wasn't my
fault but I didn't want her to
start yelling at me, still, I felt
kind of bad for him as he was the
kind of guy who might very well
come to the club and connect with
me professionally. Heading down the
chips aisle I saw a stock boy;
tall, dark, and rock-star handsome.
As I walked by he did the whole
turn-a-360, and when I got to the
juice aisle he was there
straightening a display case that
was already in perfect order, and
having some OCD tendencies I know
order when I see it! As I
approached him, sauntering behind
my cart full of food, my sleek
black dress swaying in my wake, he
smiled.
STOCK BOY
You having a good day?
NARRATOR
It was one of those situations
where he was scared and
intimidated, but still had to reach
out--and that impulse, of course,
is why there are billions of people
in the world and why I make so much
money as an adult entertainer. I
understood his situation and wasn't
about to rudely blow him off.
AMY
Yes...I am having a great day...
STOCK BOY
...how did you get to be so
beautiful...
NARRATOR
I acknowledged his cute compliment
with a smile of approval as I
sashayed past him.
AMY
...my momma and my daddy,
sweetheart.
INT. AMY'S HOME - MEMORIAL DAY
Back from shopping, Amy showers, changes, and gets ready for
the barbecue.
NARRATOR
Home now, I showered, changed, and
got everything ready for the
barbecue. Our friends showed up, we
ate, drank, talked, sat around and
then decided to go for a walk by
the lake. After sitting by the old
docks we started walking again and
I got separated from the group. I
lit up one of my Black N Milds,
looked out over the still waters,
and breathed in deeply, hoping to
calm down from the past couple of
days. Once you've had a panic
attack you feel they can come on
anytime anywhere and you worry it
will happen in public. I know I'm
never going to move my life forward
until I clear my mind of he
psychological cancer causing these
attacks. Much of it I already know
is related to the constant pressure
I feel from my club clients, I've
opened up genuine lines of
communication and given them access
to me, so I'm constantly sending or
processing text messages and phone
calls. Consequently my mind is
never at peace. I'm fighting back
these anxious thoughts while
looking out over the calm waters
and letting the tension drain into
the endless horizon as a cool
breeze help me chill...just chill
out completely. I need to wake up
in the morning and try harder, push
forward to a different life, with a
family, a much less complicated
life closely tied to he earth on a
piece of land so big I can turn in
every direction and not see anyone,
sit on my porch, and get through a
day without touching a smart phone.
Sitting on the pier, smoking a cig,
thinking these challenging
thoughts, of course what do I
do...take a picture of myself
glammed out in my supermodel
sunglasses and send it to my
LunchGuy and a few others on my
club VIP HIT LIST.
INT. AMY'S CLUB
During the NARRATOR's closing narrative, ending Episode #10,
a series of recycled shots from the episode so far are use
to sum up Amy's life and her transition to a new life.
NARRATOR
An entire year of recording my
memoir has passed. This is the last
journal entry, it was supposed to
be a record of my LAST YEAR as an
adult entertainer. Since, at
present, I'm not yet read to let
go, Shave Slowly may indeed blossom
into a trilogy. I recently watched
the movie Out of Africa with Meryl
Streep and Robert Redford, a film
I've watched over and over.They're
on safari and he's showing her the
great pristine natural wilderness
of the African Savannah and
lamenting that because of
development it will soon never be
the same. That night they're
setting around the dinner table
telling stories and sipping on
drinks when he suggests it's time
she retire saying, 'You need your
rest...big day tomorrow.' She asks,
'Why, what's going to happen?' He
pauses, looks at her sweetly, and
with the confidence of knowing a
transcendent truth about life,
replies, 'I don't exactly know but
every day brings some new
challenge, now doesn't it?' I
always shed a tear after that
scene. What challenge will I face
tomorrow and tomorrow and next
week, month, year, lifetime...only
time will tell.
THE END OF SHAVE SLOWLY LIMITED TV SERIES EPISODE #10
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